I wish I can type in Chinese
Can't express my feeling well with my second language
Feelings and thoughts in my mind are driving me mad. My best friends are very far and I have to spit it out some where and here I am, back to my blog.
I am better in telling my stories based on pictures. I always think that picture doesn't only capture the moment but also the feelings. I can remember the laughter, the smell, the cold and dry air, the texture of his shirts, his tidy eye brows and counting his eye lashes...
This is one of my favourite pictures:
Me leaning against his back while he is doing dishes
Most of the time we are dating in his kitchen. Guess our relationship smells! And my part time jobs in the restaurants contribute quite a bit... it sticks on my shirt, my hair and he complains that I smell like noodle all the time. Haha!
I love watching him cooking. I feel so 'xin fu', which I can't find this word in English because it's more than 'happy'. I am feeling happier and starting to let go of my hatred and sadness when we started dating. Do you know how much courage for me to first time leaving my country, my comfortable home, my beloved family, my dog and my friends, abandon my career regardless of how people thinking how 'unambitious' I am and live as a cheap labor in New Zealand? Tell me what can I do when I am not happy, frustrated and crying all the time? Feeling lost and don't want to do anything but also don't want to just rot on the ground? I want to live up to my parent's expectation, do something great, make a change in this world or even just tiny little difference. Who doesn't want to be successful? Who does't want a glorious 'post mortem' and no regrets when you look back in your 30's and see you have not wasted your 20's?
Two panda bears soaking in strawberry 'hot spring'. I reserve these tea bags since my Japan trip for special occasion. Don't know why I just wanted to share this with someone who special to me and I found it :)
This is the first puzzle, my first 3D puzzle, that we completed together. He named this golden bear puzzle: Reginald. I am obviously not very good at it, I took a long time just to get one piece right. LOL
First cookies together
Me in his dino costume. First time and many other times it is my pyjamas
Blowing bubbles at his balcony
Everything seems fine right?
Not when I know there's someone else in his heart.
I asked him is there any chance he will patch back with his ex?
Do you still love her?
If you still love her why don't you get back with her?
I am not a rebound and don't want to be.
He said no worries, it impossible.
I tried to believe him but why I still can feel her shadows everywhere?
Not when I found out he is still active on dating website
I asked him why? Are you not sure with your feeling and still searching?
He said he is merely looking for friendship.
Then why there's no sign of you showing you have a girl friend and not longer available?
I know feeling can't be forced. Love can't be forced. I just wish that you're honest with your heart.
If you still love her, work it out because I know she still loves you. If you think we are possible, could you please try harder to work it out too? Don't let me feel insecure and let me face the insecurity alone. Don't let me feel her presence in your mind...
These songs accurately expressed my feeling
I just returned from my South Island round tour with two travel buddies, Edwin from Malaysia and Terrence Yuen from Hong Kong. Edwin kept playing this song 'Tian Hou' from Chen Shi An in the car and I sort of addicted listening to it.
Quote from the dialog in Game of Thrones:
I am yours
I wish you're mine too
Tell me what should I do?